HAPPILY NEVER AFTER
By Debi Hall
It’s 1982. You see I have been asking God for a sign. But,
since this Oklahoma morning brings sunshine and fair temperatures, just
like any other July day, I feel certain that my second wedding has divine
blessings. Upon awakening, I ask Jesus to give me a signal if getting
married to Gary is a bad idea. I
have my doubts about this matrimonial union. We argue a lot. Drinking
is our acceptable form of communication. Instead of starting meaningful
conversations with “Honey, I need to share my feelings with you,”
I kick off the session with “get me a drink and make it a double…hell,
just bring me the whole bottle.” Oh, we are a pair to draw
to all right.
____________________________________
10 COMMANDMENTS FOR KITTY
by Kristen Shaw
6.8 seconds. 6.8 seconds from the time he comes inside of me, until the time he is dressed and standing in the doorway, murmuring “I’ll call you”. 6.8 seconds. I counted the phrase “I’ll call you” in the 6.8 seconds because he was putting on his left shoe as he said it, so there was no way to separate them. It was simultaneous. Sort of like the other thing that happened about 16.8 seconds ago. I am getting out of bed and stumbling to the door, in my 4 glasses of wine fog, to be the bigger person and kiss him good bye. But he is gone. 6.8 seconds. Seriously. That has to be some kind of record. I notice that it is approximately 6.8 feet from my bedroom door to the entrance of my house.
____________________________________
ALL ROADS LEAD TO GOD
By Barb North
I was born Jewish and raised Catholic… which is a lot of guilt.
And different guilt. Catholic Guilt: Everything you enjoy is a sin. And
Jewish Guilt: Everything you enjoy will hurt your mother.
Actually, I was born Jewish, went to Catholic boarding school, baptized Lutheran and confirmed Episcopal. One summer I was a Methodist. That was all by the age of 15.
For my first six years, all I knew about was Jewish. We wore Jewish Stars, lit candles and said chhh AND we got eight presents for Hanukkah, Chanukkah. Then I found out some people were not Jewish. Some were Shiksas. I learned that when my widowed Dad married one. We stopped going to Hebrew school, stopped lighting candles and got a Chhhhristmas tree. My relatives were not happy --so we stopped --seeing my relatives.
____________________________________
PERFECT MOTHER SYNDROME
by Amy Simon
I suffer. From PMS. Perfect Mother Syndrome. Very common, very textbook very classic. But how could you blame me? I was raised on Donna Reed. Let’s tawk TV Moms. Donna Reed was always cheerful, impeccably dressed and surrounded by cleanliness, calm and order. Happily subservient, seemingly content and fulfilled, she vacuumed in high heels and pearls. Harriet Nelson from The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet is another example of cheerful subservience in pearls. Jane Wyatt played the lovely Mrs. Anderson from Father Knows Best, smilingly elegant in heels. And of course who could ever forget Barbara Billingsley as June Cleaver, mother of The Beaver on Leave It To Beaver. Then there was Julia. Remember Diahann Carroll as Julia? She was one of the first single working mothers on television and was very controversial. She was a nurse raising her son. And she was black. She always looked absolutely beautiful, always had it together and always wore makeup. I hate that. Then there’s the always-effervescent Florence Henderson as Carol Brady from The Brady Bunch - mother of six, always looked great and again - always smiling even though her husband was gay. Of course the reason she smiled all the time is because she had a housekeeper - Alice!
____________________________________
>> VISIT OUR ARCHIVES FOR PAST PODCASTS, STORIES, AND TROUPE MEMBER'S BIOS
